The Reality of Church Hurt

A sad reality of late is talking to be people and hearing they were Christian but don’t go to church because of this person or because something happened in the church. This one person or one event tend to leave people hurt and afraid of the church itself. It leaves them with anxiety when walking up the front steps to the sanctuary, causes them to hate shaking hands with the door greeter, and not willing to open up to God in worship. The church can leave a scar on a person that is a constant reminder of why they do not want to go back. This is the reality of Church Hurt.

I was talking with an old friend a while back and was listening to a story of how one person began spreading gossip about him in the church. It was all lies, but the lies were the only side of the story being told. It caused him to lose trust in that church and now he doesn’t even attend a worship service anywhere, even though he is states away from the lies. This is one of many stories that share the same response and had led to the concept of “I can worship God just as good in my own house as much as in His house.”

Church Hurt causes 5 things to happen in the believer. It causes us to Fear the Church body, remove ourselves from fellowship, lack of trust in the leadership, question scripture based on the testimony of the believers, and cause us to walk away from our calling.

The Fear of the Church Body is one of the initial reactions of Church Hurt. This fear is brought on by attributing the collective mentality to a bunch of individual believers, “If this one person believes this about me, or says this about me, then they all will.” When we become afraid of the congregation, we refuse to enter into worship with them. It is a fear of letting your guard down with those who sit next to you due to them not being trustworthy. This leads to us not growing in our walk with Christ and leads those who were barely coming to church away from the church.

Removing self from fellowship is the second response to church hurt, yet this is the first one others notice. “Oh, I wonder why they haven’t becoming back.” Families leave when they get hurt, because growing up the first thing we were taught when someone was mean to us was to separate ourselves from them. Why would I want to spend time with someone that does nothing but cause pain? There is a remedy to this one, yet it doesn’t work every time, simply reach out to them. A person who gets hurt by the church will tend to trust someone who reached out to them first because it shows that they are being cared for when they thought the whole church was against them.

As a pastor, this next one becomes the most infuriating. Christ is the head of the church, but the pastor is the under-shepherd responsible for that church. They are the leader of the congregation and ultimately responsible to God. When you are placed in leadership over a group, you take responsibility of that group even if you don’t say you do. When a church hurts someone, the pastor is to blame in the mind of the victim. The pastor can be the direct cause of the church hurt which infuriates me even more. When someone is responsible to God for the care of the church and uses their position to cause pain in someone else then they do not need to be in the pulpit. This causes a lack of trust in the leadership of the church not just in you, but in leadership around the world. When the people do not trust the leadership, they will not trust the message that leader has to bring. When they don’t trust the voice, they will not trust the Gospel that it is bringing forth. Ultimately, leadership that fails or hurts someone hinders the Gospel in that person’s life. This is why the pastorate is such a heavy mantel to carry. It is why we are to be ever vigilant. We need to do our best so that others can hear the Gospel.

If we look on the news today, you will hear this quote used often,

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” -Mahatma Gandhi

A man who did not believe in Christ liked what Christ stood for, yet it was the Testimony of the believers that made him not like them. Our world doesn’t look toward the scripture for answers, they look toward the believers to find out what they need to know about Christianity. If you stand on the Word of God as your defining principles then hurt me, then the scripture must be evil. I know the Word of God is true, it is just, it is Holy. When I misrepresent the Word of God in my life, to those who don’t know the word, it becomes false, it becomes unfair, and it becomes bigoted. We must make sure that we live our lives the right way and hope that our lives represent a True Risen Christ so that others may see that.

Finally, Church Hurt causes people to walk away from their calling. Too many pastors leave the pulpit because they got hurt by their congregations. Many Sunday School teachers leave their classrooms, youth workers leave their kids, and greeters leave their doors because they were hurt by a congregation. When we get hurt by the church, we stop following God so closely since His people hurt us. We blame God for the actions of the believers and in turn refuse to follow the calling God has on our lives. This is the ultimate result of Church Hurt. It causes those who were more than faithful to walk away like all the hard work was worthless. I have seen youth pastors leave because of false rumors, pastors step down due to parishioners who forget the pastor is human, and nursery workers walk away from the church because they dressed a little different. Church Hurt hurts.

So, the question is simple: What do we do to avoid church hurt? Remember that every person in the church is human and bound to mess up. Remember that God gave us grace and we need to offer it to others. Fight back against the stereotype of Christians that is, “Christians are the only people in the world to kill their wounded.” We need to restore our brothers and sisters, not destroy them entirely. We need to be willing to live for Christ and not for ourselves. Finally, we need to follow God closely.