Parents and Youth Pastors

The relationship between parents and youth pastors has become so strained over the years. Much like the relationships between parents and teachers, a level of trust has been lost even when the relationship is new. All of this stems from a handful of teachers and pastors that messed up big time and caused everyone who carries the title of “youth pastor” to be put at an arm’s reach. The relationship between parents and youth pastors need to be mended and I want to offer you a few reasons why.

1. The lack of trust has caused a lack of attendance. Church attendance may seem very trivial, but the definition of “faithful church members” has shifted from being at every service to only being once or twice a month. This lack of attendance has brought the church out of the walls, forcing pastors to be more active in the community; however, it keeps the students from engaging in regular discipleship. This is why we have a lot of converts, but very few disciples.
2. The lack of trust has caused a lack of communication. My family laughs at me when I am in public. The playful phrase “didn’t your parents tell you not to talk to strangers” is told to me often. The issue is if we do not talk to people, then we do not know how to minister to them. Youth pastors have a drive to serve the kids in their ministries, but if we cannot carry on a conversation due to a lack of trust then we are incapable of serving in the most effective way.
3. The lack of trust has caused a surplus in parental involvement. Now, I am not saying parents being involved in youth ministry is a bad thing. I am saying that having too many parents in youth groups can hinder the youth group. From what I have seen, parents tend to want to show off their theological prowess especially when they have a rather young youth pastor. It keeps the students from answering the questions that are being asked. Parents also tend to say the words that make every student nervous: “Come on! You know this! We have taught you this at home.” I have watched the faces of kids after this is said, and all that does is cause shame to build up in the student when they cannot remember.

When we rebuild the trust between parent and youth pastor, we are offered an opportunity to see the students that both parties care about flourish. Please be involved in the youth ministry of your church, but please let the pastor do their job. Know that your youth pastor cares for your child, and if they don’t then they don’t need to be the youth pastor. We need each other to reach our students with the Gospel and to see them grow into a mature Christian.

I hope the bond grows back to trust.